Letterpress List No. 13: The Tattooed Lady

It was about the time that she approached the drug dealer to ask if he’d like her to apply a temporary tattoo. (“I got real ones, lady.”) Or maybe it was when she stormed onto the parade route to accost the Catholic school cheer squad, asking that the teens wave to the new bride and groom standing along the curb as they passed (hey, Catholics like marriage, right?). Or it could have been when she requested that the wedding DJ play one of hip-hop’s dirtiest songs at the reception. (And he did!)

This girl Mary’s got some magic in her.

See, over the weekend, pals Geoff Brown and Stacey Mink got hitched. Mary created the wedding invite. We, as Typecast Press, printed it. Gotta tell you, it’s one of a kind. Turns out that Geoff and Stacey bonded over, among other things, zombie movies. Oh, and woodland animals might be a nice motif. Geoff figured a buck would be nice on there, sorta like the Jagermeister logo. Green and gold inks. Oooo-kay.

Now, Shop Boy likes to have a little fun at her expense sometimes. Oh, all right, constantly. She can, ahem, hold her own there, by the way. But Mary’s a force of nature when she turns her creativity loose. And what she produced here was sweet. (For real … the cake’s maker built and decorated it to echo Mary’s invite, all scary gold branches and green bunnies and birds and bucks.) Shop Boy bows down.

Anyhow, Mink-Brown picked a heck of a weekend for the nuptials. First, on Friday night, came the annual Night of 100 Elvises at the Lithuanian Hall in Baltimore’s Hollins Market neighborhood. You had to be there. (Thank you very much.) The wedding itself was Saturday at Frederick Douglass-Isaac Myers Maritime Park, with the Baltimore Parade of Lighted Boats as a backdrop! When the Eiffel Tower steamed past at a pivotal moment, Shop Boy couldn’t help but shed a tear. Ah, Paris on the Patapsco indeed.

Sunday brought the threat of freezing rain and the Mayor’s Christmas Parade. Mary and her posse — Kimry Perrone, Abby Lattes, Holly Tominack and Anne Burger — had planned a surprise. Mary’d had rad tattoos printed. They’d snuck a float into the parade, a convertible car that would feature a stand-in bride and groom, the game (check the cotton-candy bouffant!) and lovely Lesley Humphreys and the game maker Tim Train. Attendants Emily Wilson and Luci Morreale marched out front with a totally wacky banner that Mary made, and Jobi Zink puddle-hopped alongside and worked the crowd in a very unorthodox Orthodox bridesmaid gown.

(Shop Boy had suggested that Natty Boh cans be attached to the rear bumper for effect, but no one was up for draining a six-pack of Baltimore’s famous beer that morning. Wimps. Besides, Lynda Del Genis, the leopard-printed owner of the convertible, might not have wanted us to drill the holes … these new cars and their fantsy-pantsy bumpers.)

The plan? Candy Kisses and temporary tattoos would be applied to both the willing and the reluctant along the route. As the car slowly passed, Geoff and Stacey would be stunned and amazed, left with an indelible memory. All involved would cheer, scream and share hearty high-fives, clouds would part, Hampden would glow with happiness, newly tattooed strangers of all colors would embrace, and …

The bride and groom had decided to take a pass on the parade.

Morning after the wedding? Standing for hours in the freezing rain? Wasn’t doing it for them, somehow.

To make a long story short — yes, Shop Boy’s been working on that — here’s where Mary and her pals got really creative. And as it usually does with Mary, everything worked out much, much better than great.

So, congrats to Mink-Brown. (Sorry about the rain.) May you share love and tenderness, goofiness and mirth beyond anything you’ve ever imagined.

As for Mary Mashburn, your world’s a circus, kid. But Shop Boy’s glad to be your clown.

***

Oh, stop it. Like you never get mushy over weddings? Sheesh. Let’s change the subject, OK? Here’s about an hour’s worth of music. The sappy, the sweet, the dopey and the dirty. When next we meet, expect a little more snark. Shop Boy’s pooped! Here goes: Most should be available at the usual places.

Letterpress List No. 13
Back in the CircusJonatha Brooke (What a ride.)
Bump
Spank Rock (Shout-out for deejay DLake, who did a masterful job of zigging and zagging past the worst of the language and sex. The edited song still rules!)
Animals
Nickelback (Getting Jagermeister-buck naked.) Mama Told Me (Not to Come)Three Dog Night (Mary overruled her.)
Viva Las Vegas
Elvis (They’re lined up for pelvic MRIs in Baltimore.)
Thunder Kiss ’65White Zombie (Words escape me.)
Rock and Roll All Night
Kiss (Only pyrotechnics at Lithuanian Hall: Cigarettes. Cough!)
The Beautiful PeopleMarilyn Manson (Holy-moly! For the buzz killers.)
Stuck in the Middle With You
Stealers Wheel (Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right. Must be rush hour.)
Crazy Train
Ozzy Osbourne (Soundtrack for the whole weekend.)
Little Miss Can’t Be Wrongthe Spin Doctors (LOL! Even though I’m not making funny of Mary today.)
Keep Your Hands to Yourself
the Georgia Satellites (No huggy no kissy till I get a weddin’ vow.)
Pretty Fly (for a White Guy)
the Offspring (What Shop Boy lacks on the dance floor, he makes up in denial.)
Teddy Bear
Elvis Presley (Hey, there were 100 Elvises. Two songs ain’t gonna kill you.)
Innocent When You Dream
Tom Waits (Sniff! It’s purty.)
Light Up My RoomBarenaked Ladies (Love in the time of pollution: candy and tattoos in the gutter.)

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One Response to “Letterpress List No. 13: The Tattooed Lady”

  1. Cristy Boomer Says:

    I adore tattoos and don’t for a minute regret getting any of them, I’m currently getting a dragon tattoo sleeve down my right arm can’t wait to get it all done! as can only afford smallsittings at anytime. My artist is extremly good and also very expensive but, he’s worth it! Fantastic site btw

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